Edge Of Nowhere, Half Past Never. ch24

24 Drafts Of A Better Tomorrow

It has been a little more than week since I’ve been sitting here all holed up. Most of Sunshine’s wounds have already closed up, he could also speak normally too. Though, I guessed that still put a strain on his throat as more often than not he refused to use his full voice.

We didn’t try to tackle the meaning of life anymore. All the exchanges were brief and forced by necessity. I was too uncomfortable talking to a guy I did not know how to approach anymore, and he was annoyed at me, I suppose? If that was possible.

My body was gradually catching up. For all that re-healing it had to do, pace was quite impressive. I was just glad I didn’t turn into puddle. Regardless, I still felt all that filth all over. On me and in me. Sensation never left my head. The ill-fitting chain links always reminded me with their presence too. My body wasn’t normal. It can heal, but I knew the truth behind it. Everyone who’d ever lay their eyes on me will know.

After the first battle with brethren Sweet Lollipop was reluctant to camp outside again. He meditated by the door about some cotton candy whilst I slept. Whenever I’d jump up from my erratic dreams I’d find him in the same spot, not even a single muscle moved. Eventually I grew comfortable enough to stay on the recliner, even with him on the bed. Played with the handheld, back turned to the sleeping menace and pretending no one’s there. I suppose his attempts at taming were success. 

As time passed, he was leaving me all alone here more and more. Understandable, considering the atmosphere between us. Still, it was depressing. The game was endless and one of my despondent brothers set an impossible highscore, but I didn’t feel like beating it would be an appropriate life’s goal. Not like I had any others, though. Not like I had anything else to do, either. Hell, I just might do it. How does Sleeping Beauty manages to do nothing all the time? In any case, I was ready for an utterly boring existence. Even if I ever get let out of here, I’d spend rest of my days within ten steps of that boring mysterious creep. And that time won’t be soon.

Why the hell was I holding onto this pathetic existence? I could be blissfully dead. Ensuring that nothing bad would ever happen to me. Was I still waiting for some greatness to come my way? I believe I had all the fun this life could provide me already. I had no fear of death. So why was I still living? Spent days trying to figure that out. In vain. Well, there was no reason to terminate myself right now. Maybe I already exhausted all the pleasures in this life, but at least I wasn’t currently suffering. Dark dammit. This pondering gets me nowhere.

Smiley returned. "How are your wounds?"

“Fine,” I said. He demanded to see the progress and I flashed my abs again. Healthy pink everywhere. Cuts and bruises weren’t about to tear anymore. I could move around without cringing and cramping. All that was left was a cosmetic wrap-up. Though it will never look as good as new anymore.

“Have you thought about what I said?”

“Which was? Do as told and you’ll get a treat, pet?”

He nodded slowly. “Will you?”

“What reason do I have not to obey my one and only lord and master? Of course I will.”

“Come,” he beckoned, leaving through the doors.

I caught up with greatest disbelief on my face, “You do realise I just made fun of you?”

Smile turned towards me, “You know the consequences. I believe you will think twice.”

That I will. Bastard. “Threats. Great way to make friends.”

“We are not friends,” he reminded.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You are more like one of those silly women who carry tiny dogs in their purses, and I am, well, that rat-dog.”

“Precisely,” he whispered, pushing the button to open the doors to the lobby. I frowned.

“I’m not an animal. Surely not your dark damn pet.”

Man shrugged lightly with one shoulder. He didn’t care. I sighed. What on earth was going on in his head? Annoying fellow. I trailed slightly behind like a little duckling if only to avoid talking. I was surprised to see we weren’t going to the gym. Food dispensers, then?

Nodded a hello to my previous team. Well, mostly just Brat. Rest paid no heed to me as per usual. Kiddo seemed quite happy with that enthusiastic wave. Well, glad to see you, too. Wish you could know this.

When I realised what was what, it was already too late. Smiling Giant stopped at an already occupied table. Viciously Good and Silently Reclusive sat there. Well, damn. I was a rat in a trap. Looked around uneasily. Solitary completely ignored our presence, the other Longing was sharing a wide grin. Amazing. Another one. I looked at Lollipop. He nodded a polite hello and joined them on the opposing couch. “Sit,” he commanded me.

I crossed the arms. What the hell? Payback time? Hope he won’t… For fuck’s sake. If he touches him I’ll… I’ll, what, exactly? There was nothing I could do.

“What’s all this?” I asked, distrustfully eyeing the crazy tea party.

“Sit and I’ll explain,” Smiling Man looked up. Reluctantly, I sat my royal behind next to him. “If all goes well, these two will be our new teammates.”

What sorcery is this? Are they making fun of me? “You said I’m not to talk to anybody.” And I was very sure he particularly meant the guys I had relationships of any significance with.

“I don’t wish to leave you all alone for extended periods again. Especially now that your key is missing. You will need a backup on site.” Back then, when I went to ask to trade back the armbands his shackle was lost. When I came to I searched for it, but it was nowhere in sight. For a while I thought Smiley picked it up, but it wasn’t so. Guess he didn’t have the time with the onslaught coming his way. In short, it wasn’t all that safe to sit in the VIP cage, in case a hostile party had the key. If they knew who it belonged to at all.

My frown deepened. Was this guy serious? Did he know who he was talking about here? The Two-faced Benevolent will eat me alive. Besides… this had to be some sort of a trap. There’s no way the caretakers didn’t know that me and Solitude used to fool around.

“Yeah? And what will Forever Good get out of it? My head on the platter?”

“Oh, we’ve been looking for a place to settle down. Majority of the teams would welcome us. This one is as good as any,” Benign explained.

“Then go there, you fucker.” He needed a hug. Around the neck. With a wire.  

“Tsk, even after all this your attitude is still the same, Coallilocks. So refreshing! Isn’t that so, my Sweet Desolation?” Benevolent Spirit asked cheerfully. Solitude merely ignored him, turning his head further away from all this. I should probably ignore them completely, too. No chance in hell any sort of agreement could be reached here. All sides had too much to lose. Everyone knew it.

My Haunt was still angry at me for shunning him, no doubt. For the best. No better place and time to enforce the split-up. Perhaps even the two predators will get a clue and forget about that blunder instead of trying to use it somehow.

It was nice to see him though. Even if it was only profile. Even if he didn’t want to see me.

Smiley started explaining, “We began talking in an attempt to resolve this friction between us. You see, neither me nor Respectful want you two to be meeting behind our backs again. We would also rather avoid being at each other’s throats because of it.”

He’s been busy. I wondered what Human Feast could have been doing whilst out. Though, socialising was way down on the list.

“So what? You two great bright minds decided to pit us together in broad daylight? Fuckin’ geniuses.”

“Quite. You wouldn’t need to meet up in secret.”

Words were true, but it was so wrong. It reeked of fish so badly I could hardly bear to sit there. It was tempting, but nothing felt right about the setting. It had to be a trick. Trap. I had to put an end to this charade. Stood up to leave already, “Save yourself some trouble, Happiness. I do not wish to see a guy who pushed me into this mess in first place. It was such long time ago I don’t even care anyway.”

That’s what they wanted to hear, right? Heaved a sigh of relief as I started walking towards the gym. My traitorous heartbeat was trying to explode the head for lying so preposterously. It felt exhilarating to have averted some kind of tragedy before it even began, though. Nothing like taking my life into my hands for once.

Pleasant manner of speech rung behind me, “Whatever did you see in him, Solitude? He doesn’t even appreciate you.” Right. Unlike him.

“You…” It was but a whisper. Firm one, but quiet. Monotonous. It slowed my pace instantly. I wanted to hear more of it.

“… You promised you’d hold on and what’s the next thing you do? Attempt on yourself. You… promised.” It was bottled up anger. From that guy. One that always feigned monotony. Who refused to look at me. One… That spoke of a dream I had as if it was a fact.

“You’re in on this?” I heard my voice but don’t recall putting any effort to speak.

“Because My Diamond isn’t as heartless as you. He couldn’t just toss you aside. He was worried, after all that commotion and then your absence.” Anyone would be worried, normally. If Human Feast took Solitude away for a week, I’d probably claw those metal doors open with my nails.

“Shut up, asshole. No one’s talking to you,” I snapped at peacefully spiteful Benevolent. Turned to give him a glare, too, but the result must have ended up being quite meek. It took me by surprise, his hands so casually around Solitary.

“Doesn’t look like he wants to talk, much less be in the same team at all,” pretentious Benevolent ran his fingers down the ward’s face. “I will never leave you,” he whispered. Lost in his own little world. How I envied that lucky prick. Not only he could be completely disillusioned, but there was nothing to be disillusioned about.

Solitude was mine, dammit! That’s right, I corrected myself. Was. Not anymore.

Shook my head again. Lies. He was never really mine. Even I never belonged to myself.

Now that I stood rooted in place, Smiley proceeded, “If you would come back to the table, we can decide whether to go through with it.”

They all waited for me to make up my mind. I wanted to walk away from this shady deal. I had to. But. That was him. So close. This close! And the main opposition was willing to accept and tolerate gawking. Solitary wasn’t against this deal, either.

“What’s the catch?” I said, giving in just a little. I already saw one of them. I’d not see only Stalker’s Runaway, but also the reminder he’s not mine. That already made deal unacceptable. Did not wish to see that guy nibbling on Recluse’s neck ever again. And him letting it happen. Even angling the head away to accept the touch. When did that introvert become so… As if remembering where he was, Solitary gently straightened his buddy back into his seat.

I tucked all my confusion and unexplainable emptiness away. Full of spite and bitterness turned to my guardian, “Oh don’t tell me. It’s pretty easy to guess. You want me to agree to your advances, too, isn’t it?” Well that sure as hell isn’t going to happen. Sorry, Ghost. I’m not diving into misery so I could be in another hell afterwards.

Smiling Man speared me with his gaze, “Don’t mix pleasure and business.” What’s with this strict tone which was better suited on Honglian’s lips? “I don’t need such childish tricks to bed you.” That... was true. Also, did he just scorn my previous arrangement? He was looking down on such tactics. Good to know?

“Then, what do you want of me?”

“Obedience.”

And what would be his first order of business, I wonder. Frowned. “No.”

“You will have to do what I ask, one way or another.”

“You piece of shit. And what would you have me do, oh Master?”

Human Feast stared at me like one would at a misbehaving child. Patiently, but ominously. This could end badly. He tolerated my outbursts in private, not so much in public. Not when he was in Honglian gear.

Fine. So maybe Happy wasn’t a complete scum. And just maybe he was actually looking for more manpower under him. I finally got over myself and sat down again to at least hear this out.

“You two will be able to see one another. Chatter is allowed, given one of us is present to hear it in full. No touching.”

I sighed powerlessly. This was a nice start, but the main drawback was – it’s also the end of it all. Don’t dangle that carrot so close to my damn face if you’re not intent on giving it to me. Leave it in the bed on the other side of the fence. Don’t damn tempt me! And if those brilliant rules ever get broken, what then? Is that when I get to be mangled mess under whoever desires so? Because my willpower is exactly what it used to be.

“You do know that guy asked his friends to take care of me on multiple occasions,” I stated, glaring.

“I am aware. Issue was addressed. You need not worry.”

I shrugged, “If you happy bunch already have everything sorted out, what am I doing here?”

“You are what decides the outcome. All of us need a proof you will follow the rules.” Hell, come to think of it even I needed it.

There it goes. The fishy part. Something nasty started crawling up my back. I grinned insanely, sharing the trademark Longing expression with my caretaker. “Oh, but you know I’m amazing at following directions.” He knew exactly what I was talking about.

“They don’t,” he shot down my effort at crazy.

“What, they want to knock some sense into me, too?” I inquired clearly provoking something here. No one really cared.

“Verbal proof will suffice. Just tell us everything that happened between you two.”

“Pft. Help you to keep us away, you mean? You needn’t worry about that anymore,” I grumbled. It was as over and impossible as it can be.

“You can look at it that way.”

I didn’t like it. It angered me. So, yes, they knew what happened. Do the details have to become public, too? So that everyone, especially these two predators, know where to stab next time? It was too much. It was not worth it. Those memories were mine. Mine and his alone. No one else was entitled to them. That’s all I had now. Solitary would probably blame me for spilling the beans again.

The bigshots stared at me, waiting. The one guy whose eyes I hoped to meet wasn’t even looking my way. Those few words aside, he didn’t as much as acknowledge my existence. Expert at ignoring. All this disinterest he showed was astonishing. Was he leaving it up to me? Did he even care? Well. A lot of time passed. Things happened. We both had other people to worry about and hang out with. Perhaps he was merely curious to see whether I was alive. Well, I am. Can we call this a day?

I lost myself in exploration of his white scarless skin. Solitude was still dressing skimpily, belts and straps. Damn he looked provoking. It screamed, sex tonight, but not with you. As if I needed a signboard. It didn’t seem like he was still hitting on anyone anymore. That means, he liked that new image of his? Or dressed up for his Knightly Stalker. Certainly, pretty. So pretty it was starting to give me ideas. A hand hugging him around the back and caressing his hip returned me to reality.

No, I can’t do it. I wanted to keep something of his only to myself. I clenched the teeth and refused to blink for a couple of seconds.

Shook the head. “Feel free to lock me up for whole eternity for all I care. I’m not doing this,” said getting up again. “Let me back in, will you?”

Smiling Man nodded without any qualms. What was this all about? So my decision was final, then? Well. Fine then. For the best.

“All your effort for nothing, poor thing,” Benevolent hurried to comfort his target of affections. What effort, exactly? What did they make him do? Grit my teeth holding back any unnecessary queries, turned on my heel to leave. Less I know, the better. This was none of my concern.

Nauseatingly Good spoke again, “His pride is more important to him than you.” Maybe. Maybe so. At least my ego was still mine. The little that I had left of it.

“Just tell them whatever they ask, already.” Timid, but angry words. “They only want to verify whether our stories would match.”

That stopped me dead again. Verify, what, again? “You told them?” I asked without turning. My fists were so tense nails drove into flesh.

“Yes. Everything.”

He gave it away. Everything. Everything I held dear in this rotten existence. For what? For a chance to flaunt his new shiny boyfriend in front of me? Looks like I didn’t need to hold onto those memories so tightly. They were worthless. Surely the other party thought so.

“Just do it!” Angry Recluse commanded as if reading me. “I want to see you.”

“Too bad. I don’t want to see you.”

I heard a gasp as I started walking. Sugar-laced poisons flowed afterwards. Had I looked back I probably would have seen a heartfelt embrace, too. Why, oh why did I have to be this cruel to him? Time and time again. Instant regret started gnawing at me. It was partly true. I didn’t want to see him like that, not with two pairs of vigilant eyes following my every move. Not when he was in arms of somebody else.

Somewhere deep inside I might have even known why he did what he did. Most likely it was not to spite me. Though, even Solitary was Longing so one never could be certain. Perhaps the naïve little thing thought this would be the great answer. That it would be enough just to see each other. Maybe to him. But what about me?

I stood at the door to my cell waiting for the door to open. They sure took their sweet time. Then, Smiley unexpectedly caged me within his arms. Not touching, not really restricting. Just reminding me of something in that tiny enclosed space.

Felt his hot breath on my nape for a couple extended seconds. “Just for the record. You will not be forced,” he said. Thing I said back in the lobby clearly lingered on his mind. Smiling Man moved his hand off the panel finally allowing door before me slide open just as a fearful shiver got under my skin. I darted forward automatically.  

Maybe it was just me, but I think there was something implied there. I think he wanted more anyway. “Didn’t you want, you know… Pretend nothing has ever happened and play nice again?” I was still fidgety from the unsaid electric idea alone, even though it was but a cruel joke on Smiley’s side.

Lollipop looked at me long and carefully. That undressing gaze. I grew even more uncomfortable. Man spoke, “Both then and now I wished for the same. It was always up to you how it progresses.”

He smiled, remembering something else, “By the way. You don’t need to shun your buddy so much. It’s pretty clear what he is to you.”

I tried to keep my mouth shut, but didn’t manage. Spite broke out, “Really. What was that just now, then? Your lame attempt to score some brownie points by throwing him within an arm’s reach? Well, it failed miserably. Have you got any idea what it felt like to see that?”

“Yes. I do.” His straight honest expression caught me off-guard. Damn. I was starting to buy into his words just a little too much.

I frowned, recovering almost instantly. “A pathetic attempt to get back at me, then? You didn’t have enough of your revenge yet?”

“No. I asked Naion’s team first, as they’re about to disband, but it seems most have already made arrangements. Besides, it would merely be easier to have these two on my radar.”

“You… know him?” The way he addressed Flawless Egghead was way too casual.

“Naion? Yes. Our Masters are business acquaintances. Mine recommended Longings to him in first place. Anyway. If you don’t want to go through with this, that is fine. I will do something about that armband, but it would be safer if in the meantime we had more manpower. Sleep on it.” He walked out, uncaring to answer any of my other worries. Well, not like I had particular things to ask about anyway.

Regardless of this cruel attempt to be nice, I was thankful he didn’t choose to lock me up and make my universe comprise only of him. I know the thought has crossed his mind, as it did mine.

I sighed, contemplating. Feast was worried about leaving me alone for extended periods of time again? So Solitary really spilled the beans. Preventive measures for a paramour #2 were being set up. Might as well. I don’t think I’d be as lucky finding someone that gullible to help me out again.

Damn. Will I really be okay with that guy having serious intentions? So he was playing kind carer for the time being. When will his patience run out? I didn’t want to experience the unbound brutality again. Was I on some kind of clock? Do I have to service him in some way? No one done anything for free here.

Fucker. Would be so much easier if he just took whatever he needed and stopped tormenting me with illusion of free will already. I decide what happens next, huh? Nothing, for all I care. Would he just leave me alone? Couldn’t even stand him close enough when he was trying to birdfeed me whilst I couldn’t chew. Man had to go and trade for more squishy mash instead. My debt was rising. I was doing nothing to pay it off or even make it worth it. Fuck! Why was I even feeling indebted to that asshole?

Being on my own was being in a bad company. I think too much.

Door opened up. Didn’t even bother raising the eyes from the game. After yesterday, tried to ignore certain somebody like a world-class expert, too. Didn’t notice how the man stopped right at the armchair. He bent down and clasped the railings on both sides. I jumped up from the sudden thud. Looked up to the green eyes and immediately slumped down. He waited, scrutinising me with his smiling sinister grin. Caged again. I wondered what’s up but couldn’t squeeze out a single word. Too close. Too threatening. My head went blank. Was this it?

My franticly darting eyes spied that his pants were uncomfortably tight this evening. Not the first time, of course, and I learnt to live with that. But certain things were impossible to ignore when they ended up right at your face. This was it, no doubt. He was done babying me and wanted to reap the rewards.  I shivered like an autumn leaf. Yeah, so all my tough act was an act. Sue me.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” Cheerful tone asked.

“I… Didn’t… ‘nything,” I answered, recalling all the misdeeds I made in my life. Slumped down on the ground and crawled away from him, trying to fit into my favourite corner.

“I see,” man stated cheerfully which I knew now was his dispassionate state of being. Well at least Human Feast wasn’t up to purposeful intimidation?

“What?” I asked cautiously, praying this just now was just some mistake.

“I figured you would know how to control your pheromones by now.”

“My… what?”

He didn’t answer. The deafening silence was crushing me. Then I started feeling elevated. Staring at that revolting smirk usually made my stomach twist. And yet, something about this situation was turning me on.

He noticed my new unsettledness and proceeded talking, “Being unworked, you had no formal training. I would have told you earlier, but you rarely have this problem,” stated Gleeful. I kept staring, trying my best to become invisible. He didn’t try to come onto me anymore. The opposite, fell into the recliner heavily, demonstrating his non-existent intentions. That helped me to breathe easier. “Longings can reel in somebody without as much as looking their way. We don’t generally do it here because it’s easy to figure out when our chains being yanked and we don’t like that.”

“So… then… what again?”

“You’re emitting so much of it, I can almost see a cloud around you. Had to make sure.”

“You… fucker. There’s no way I’d want you touching me,” I threw the handheld game at him in a fit of rage. He caught it swiftly millimetres away from the face.

“That’s right. It’s not me causing it, is it?” Man tossed out the fact casually but I felt chill with my spine.

After I got back from meeting, my thoughts kept returning to Solitude. As disgusted as I was with myself, I got erect realising those two would fuck tonight. Maybe even right then after that farce of a meeting. That they done it in all those weeks past. Ways I never got to explore with him. How Solitary would get pushed down. How he wouldn’t resist in the least. How he’d crave it. Remembered his moans and whimpers. As I just got back to my little fantasy, pleasant shudder tried to overtake me again.

I saw Human Feast’s eyes narrow and realised I must have done it again. “How do I stop it?”

Hell, I kept forcing back those thoughts whole day in attempt to conceal my inappropriate arousal and escape similar situation. He’d have known if I unloaded in the room, I had no way to use bathroom in private and unnoticed. I just didn’t want him to know. Didn’t even want to have these urges. I had my share of that disgusting uncontrollable lust.

“Takes practise. It’s built in to be automatic response just like sweating, blinking or heart rate. You have to consciously focus on it.”

“But that’s… Is it even possible to control, then?”

“Of course. What else do we have to do if not master own bodies?” Dreamy Man delicately reminded me that I was a sex doll and should start acting like one. At least that’s how I read it. He beckoned and we made our way to the bathroom. He held my gaze, “First of all, you need to stop hovering on the edge all the time. It shows.” Of course, there was only one way to reliably relax the tension in the middle.

I shared a strong sceptical glance, “You must be joking.” I’m not doing this with him here. Might as well jump him, too, then.

His amused expression did not move a single muscle. He stood there for few seconds more though, as if trying to carve something important into his happy memory album. Walked off eventually and only voice reached me, “You are to join me in the gym.”

Well, thank you great lord for bestowing me these five minutes of glorious privacy. I guess he’d be listening in, then? Hearing through walls, and all. Sighed, rubbing my eyes tiredly. What the hell is going on with my life? I was pretty used to being under constant surveillance anyway, so why did it still matter? That unblinking gaze of his… it got under my skin. I kept as quiet as I could whilst touching myself. Jade eyes never left my head, no matter how hard I tried concentrating on my previous, more pleasant fantasy. Reality was way stronger, though, and brutal memories overwhelmed the fading gentle impression of Solitude. The recollection of that powerful absolute handling did number on my brain. By the end of it I wasn’t sure anymore which person I got off to again. Utterly disgusting.

Was Happy by any chance exposing me to his unnoticeable scent in that closed off environment? Getting me used to him. Seducing me from the side-lines. Or… was that what Brat practised? The later seemed more likely to resort to dirty tactics, although no Longing was above using everything they could.

I spent couple more minutes showering and clearing my head. It was pretty hard to deny anymore. I did want to see Solitary Who Wasn’t Solo Anymore. A lot. Even if all I could do was watch. Even if it unsettled me. I was curious to see how he’s doing. What he’s doing. Know how he’s changed. Just be there if he ever needs me. I wanted to do something for him. Hence, if he wanted to see me, he would. Screw my useless caprices.

Joined Happy in the gym. Sat in front of him with my utter loss for words. Situation seemed quite familiar. “What do I have to do, again?”

He understood what I’m talking about instantly. “Retell how you met, what happened, where.” Smiling, smiling sinister face. I got a feeling he has changed his mind about wanting to form a team.

I bit on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Can it be just you?” I didn’t want Stalking Two-face know damn thing about me. More than I hated Funcracker.

“No. That was Peacemaker’s request to begin with. He wants to know everything about Solitary. Including your impression.”

“And you?”

“I want to assess my mistakes and avoid them from here on.”

“So in the end both of you are fucked up pathetic stalkers, butting in where you don’t belong and nothing more.”

“I can’t claim I’m entirely different from that person.” Well. Shit.

“Why are you doing this, really? There’s no way you really want me to be meeting him.” Was he trying to make up to me like this or something? Maybe, just maybe, my opinion mattered to him. Sometimes it seemed so. The other times, of course… And the other explanations didn’t quite make as much sense. Although this one was rather weak, too.

Man smiled more widely, turning eyes away just for a split second. Feast wasn’t quite as expressionless as everyone pegged him. “Think whatever you like.” Hmh. True enough. I wouldn’t trust his words anyway. Shouldn’t. Yet I wanted him to lie to me. To tell me what to believe in. It would be easier. I was tired. Of doubting, thinking, resisting, fighting. 

“You do understand it’s overly convenient to me, right? You won’t mind if I use the chance to create some more mishaps, then?”

“There will be punishments for stepping out of the line,” man cut me off and I flinched. He was aware, of course. Where was I going with that, again?

“Thought you said you won’t abuse me anymore.”

He shared me a million dollar smile that said, don’t piss me off and maybe I won’t. “There are ways to break people without laying a finger on them,” that told me all I didn’t want to know. There was an array of harmless activities to select from. He did learn with the Master. “You ready?”

Can anyone be ready to give up the contents of their soul? We joined the happy couple in the lobby. Solitary instantly looked away again. He still wouldn’t meet my gaze. I looked around. Dark dammit this is going to be awkward. I wanted to plead for five minutes to talk this through with Ghostly but didn’t even bother. Everything has to be heard by them, they said.

“At least dare to look at me, Mirage. What the hell are we doing this for otherwise?”

Silent Man leaning on his palm sighed. Monotonous, very bored line rebuffed me, “Don’t do damn thing if you don’t want to.” He hated me now. Great. Though, that finally started sounding like old him. These days too many strong emotions were poking through the coldblooded façade.

“I do. I…” Did the others really need to know it, too? I hope he knew. Hope all my previous words did not delude his ability to understand my intentions. All I wanted was to be with him. Near him. With him.

“Concentrate,” a voice from the left reached me. Oh. I must be doing that again. Right. How… do I fix it again? Well. Sure way to kill any budding arousal was memory of Master Sin.

I began retelling how it all happened. Tried to emphasize the fact that mostly it was an unintended outcome. I was as brief as possible. Didn’t put too much effort into most recent meetings, feigning gaps in memory due to drugs. Took me twenty sentences, no more. However, it was far from what they wanted. I was buried under an avalanche of questions. Embarrassing, private details. I was being made to retell full conversations with my thoughts behind the every sentence.

“Enough already,” I slammed palm onto the table top. “I told you more than enough.”

“It will never be enough. You robbed me of those precious moments,” Benevolent exclaimed fanatically. Now that was one interesting way of stealing them back. Was he going to pretend it was him instead of me? Goodwill’s hairstyle… It has changed too, when I think of it. He let the hair down from the usual cornrows. Sure, it was incomparably shorter than mine, but… In any case, the man was bent on knowing what went on.

“No more,” I said firmly. “Suck it up.”

“Too bad. Quitting so close to the finish,” two-faced benevolence mocked.

“Fuck your finish. What’s the point of this now?! You know all the little things. There’s no way we can even try to avoid you two anymore. Not that it would ever happen again at all.”

“Oh, it’s not about that anymore.”

Glared, “What the fuck am I doing here then?”

Benevolent caretaker sighed, “I’ve heard a ton of nasty things about you. You also slighted and hurt him really bad. Your actions did finally deliver him to me, but… I’m yet undecided whether you should be allowed in his sight or erased from memory.”

“I don’t want your damn forgiveness, Two-face. I owe you nothing.”

“Oh, but what about him?”

I shut up. This was a pretty good opportunity to explain myself. There was no reason to pretend anymore. I did reveal everything else. Everything but the truth, that is. Maybe I could finally be open about my intentions, too? But, baring your soul to anyone else was handing them a dagger. If I lied maybe I could salvage my firm footing on the ground. That would mean deal being cancelled, I was sure. They knew their facts anyway. Was that the proof of surrender they were after? Looked at Solitary for answers and got none. Did they make him reveal contents of his head completely, too?

“Yes, he went through a similar interrogation as well, Gutless,” his carer answered my unasked query. Damn. I suddenly got an urge to know what he said. What he really thought of me. Whether there was anything that bothered him. “He does too,” another input from the guy I hated the most. Well, one of them.

I imagine he does. I did contradict myself on every occasion that I got. Did he want to hear me say all that? Glanced at my former paramour for guidance and was utterly ignored. Sighed. Screw those guys, but Mirage deserved to know.

“Alright,” I said and told the story anew. Not to them. To him. Needless to say, it changed drastically. I probably confused Solitary even more with the all new version. Just ten minutes ago I was portraying myself as an opportunist. When I was done, he sighed annoyed. I know he had sentiments towards me, but why would anyone believe me now? Which was lie and what – truth? Man himself still paid no special attention to me. By the looks of it I failed to convince anybody. Well, gave it my best shot.

I shrugged. “This time, I told everything I had to say. Regardless of your fucking shady dealings. Do whatever you want about that. Not like two of you assholes planned to make this work anyway.” Turned my gaze towards the one who pretended he wasn’t here at all. Neither did he really need me getting in his way. Regardless of everything, this cold shoulder he’s been giving me spoke tomes. All the loose ends got tied up and there was nothing to do here anymore.

“By the way, last I heard Blonde’s team might be up for grabs, so go ahead and try talking to them if you were ever serious about holding hands with others,” I suggested to Lollipop, trying to turn the tide of conversation. Didn’t want to be scrutinised under a microscope anymore.

“Hmm. So insecure, aren’t you? Ready to bolt already?” Benevolent One spoke. I did not even bother looking at the sodding bastard.

“You’d rather be with them?” Monotonous resentment reached my ears. This one I cared about a whole lot more. Sentence was short and straight to the point, but message was clear. That sounded like reproof. He was trying to stop me? I turned to the speaker in disbelief.

Serpent spoke again, “He’s so quick to give up on you. He must have lied again.”

It was surprisingly easy to ignore the last remark. I was pretty fired up with something else right now. “Fuck, Your Shyness, what do you want me do? Looks like you can’t even stand looking at me anymore. I’m not your bloody guardian, can’t read your damn mind. Besides, this is bullshit. They’re just having fun watching this charade.”

“Is this a joke to you?” Solitude’s angry poised words. Dark dammit. Did he really not see the facts? Did he choose to ignore them? Did he believe his caretaker so much?

Human Feast crossed his arms and stated, “He’s right, you know. You’re not being played. There’s nothing funny about seeing the two of you together. As for Albino, there’s no way I’d leave you in their care, is there? You can forget about that.”

I was still a little overwhelmed by this. ”But this makes no sense…” Good things didn’t happen in this place. Even cruel ones like this.

“If you didn’t trust us, why did you tell all of that?”

I shrugged, “It wasn’t a secret anymore anyway.”

“Acting all tough again? Speak your mind for once.” Why the hell that annoying Two-face was still talking to me?

“Shut the fuck up! So I wanted him to know certain things, okay? Even more so if you two lied and this is all I could say for a long time to come.”

Human Feast tapped his fingers lightly on the table, getting all the attention. His whisper filled our ears, too. “You’ve been asked a question.” It was directed at Solitary. Looks like one of the patrons was tired sitting in a standstill since I wasn’t listening to a word overlords were saying. It was time for heavy artillery.

Solitude squirmed around, getting suddenly uncomfortable. Quiet man sighed again, “It’s not their idea. It’s all mine. I kept asking until they agreed.”

“So,” I pondered. “You sold us out,” voiced the first thought that surfaced.

“I wanted to see you, at any cost.” And any cost was paid.

Shook the head. I wasn’t angry for it. “It’s okay. There was no us anymore,” another uncontrolled ruthless thought just left me, stabbing both him and me. “So, you wanted to see me.”

Another silent sigh. “Yes.”

“Why aren’t you looking then?”

“I’ve done a terrible thing to you,” Solitude shook his head apologetically. He couldn’t. The avoidance was guilt rather than anger.

I snorted, “Of all, you’ve done the least… It’s me who has wronged you. It was about time I said what had to be said.”

Solitude finally glanced my way and fixed his gaze at the table top. “I’m sorry. You… really didn’t have to. I knew. I knew it all. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. But…” I nodded and he fell silent. But it was still nice to hear it anyway. Introvert gulped unsuccessfully as he prepared to speak again. I shook my head this time, stopping him. Man raised his eyes for the first time in surprise and our gazes met. So that’s how black eyes looked. Maybe they’ll purge the jade from my dreams at last.

“No,” I confirmed my intentions loudly. “I know everything there is to know. You were always there when I needed you. You don’t need to speak a word. Certainly not for these bastards to enjoy.” Sure, perhaps they heard more than me before I was brought to this conversation. But if Ghost was smart enough, he left out what mattered the most. Solitary was quick to avert his gaze again.

“My, my. Playing a hero now, are you? How sweet.” The good-hearted guy had surprisingly forked tongue. It kept my enmity going. How will I be able to bear this?

“Yeah. I am. Somebody has to do that around here. How the fuck could you let him expose the inner workings? To this psycho no less.” If I ever slip, I had a feeling Solitary would be the one paying the price.

“Oh, so now you care?” Benevolent tried to sting.

“Enough,” one single calm Human Feast’s word returned us to the civilised world. Admittedly, man had a presence. Even among those who weren’t threatened with a red-hot poke stick before. “Are you satisfied with what you’ve heard?”

Benign took a moment to relax and think. “Yeah. I’ve heard enough.” Scratched his head, sighed heavily. I guess it would have been easier for him to hate me if I would have indeed played Solitude. I knew enough to see that Amiable really wanted to fulfil every ward’s wish. Even if it was helping to get in touch with an ex. What’s the harm now, anyway? I’d probably get quartered for any extracurricular activities. Worst part, I’d survive that. Win win. “Alright. As long as rules are followed, I don’t mind joining up. ”

What do they really get for teaming up with Human Feast? They didn’t need an enforcer. I was the only one quarrelling with my better judgement about sinking teeth into Mercy’s neck. Though, perhaps it was merely a question of free time. I guess Wandering Samurai wanted to settle down and get a steady supply of whatever goods elites were bringing. He wouldn’t need to mingle with all teams for that. Spend more quality time he’s been having in everyone else’s bed with Solitude alone.

Why weren’t those two in a team all this time? I guess Solitary never joined any due to his superior communication skills. Or lack thereof. He also said he talked Merciful into getting everyone else off his back. Was that when Lord Protector quit his original team to service the whole compound for the sake of cocky rookie?

On the side note. Yeah. I knew I never compared to the guy even from afar. That dedication… Guess I should be happy to be allowed within a little more than arm’s reach to the man we both wished best for.

Supervisors started talking fine print. Aid when and if, these supplies and this much of it. They are potential threats and these can be allies. Boring stuff. That would never concern me. Solitary was back to grilling the faraway wall with his eyes. I guess it was still awkward between us? Well. To his defence this can hardly get any weirder. Looked behind me at the other corner which usually housed my old team. There was only Masochist bullying Brat right now. Sleeping Butler probably hiding behind the backrest. I still couldn’t figure out who was whose Achilles’ heel there. It was certain they all cared about one another to some degree. Was this how all the teams were formed? To fend off enemies, but most importantly – keep competition in check?

When I turned back saw Solitude’s gaze shift away. I grinned in response to his sneaking. Was anything different from this point on? Would he ever speak to me? Shy man that he was, Solitary rarely spoke out of turn. I dismissed his most recent attempt, too. But damn. I wanted to hear him. “How are you doing?”

He shrugged, no doubt wondering how the hell should he describe passionate nights with the guy that I wanted dead. “Rather, how are you?” What he meant to say, was I tortured whilst incarcerated and how bad.

“I’m okay. All healed up now.”

“Really?”

Yeah, Mirage, my head is doing good too. Especially now that you’re so near. “Just needed to sleep it off.”

How come I was the one being questioned, though? Sneaky Longing stole my intention to find out about him. Well, doesn’t matter. All I wanted was to hear his monotonous speech. “Is there anything else you want to know? Ask away,” I encouraged.

“Are you two… Getting along?” Right. I said all about past between us two, not a word about anything else. Daily life, other lovers…

Not as good as you’re wondering. That might be just a question of time though so no groundless promises.

“Yeah, given the circumstances,” I said. And the fact I don’t want to be seeing Sunshine at all, much less daily in a very private environment. The main chat died down in favour of inconspicuously listening to us. If I was decoding the unsaid, they probably were too. Brain so alike was a very convenient, but not just for me.

“Look, I’m gonna go. It’s been nice to see you,” I couldn’t bear the pressure anymore. Skipped crazy town.

“See you.”

As I was walking away felt Human Feast’s vigilant eyes on my back. Don’t worry now, I won’t ditch you and your damn commandments. Just needed some exercise to vent the sudden frustration. Hopped in the hamster’s wheel and headed towards the infinity. When I got off the treadmill could hardly breathe. Well, that unsurprisingly got me nowhere.

See you. Those simple words will ring in my head for days. I will see him.  

Smiling Mug was ten steps away, too. Didn’t see how he got there. To my utmost surprise man wasn’t on his own for once. His newest fanboy was perching by his side. No surprise there, actually. Masochist chatting up renown brutality expert and all. Funny it took him so long. It was strange to see Lollipop socialising though. Human Feast the outcast was nowhere to be found. What the hell happened in that week plus while I was locked up?